A Glimpse
Having a daughter, for the most part, has been very similar to having the boys. I mean, a baby is a baby. Other than the differences in diaper changes and the outfits, it's been pretty much the same. But there have been a few times when it has been different. I've had a couple times with her when I've gotten a glimpse of the past or the future with her.
When I bought our new stroller I got a glimpse of the past and I felt myself step into my mothers shoes for a second. I was standing at the register with my debit card. I was waiting for the lady to do who knows what before I could spend WAY too much on a stroller. While I waited I looked down at my little angel girl. I suddenly felt myself looking at her as my own mother had looked at me so many times. All the times she bought things for me that she knew was cost too much money but I wanted it or needed it so she bought it for me. That's kind of how my mom and I work, she likes to spend as little money as possible on things while I seem to think that something is worthless unless it costs a ton of money. Anyway there I was waiting to buy that stroller for my own baby girl and for a nanosecond I understood my own mother a bit better.
Tonight I got a glimpse of the future with Aisling. She was having her crying time, just screaming at me and refusing to rest as if to say, "how much of this will you take from me?" Finally after about 2 hours, she and I were laying on the couch and she was nursing. She was drifting off to sleep and her arm jerked, shaking her whole body. She grabbed my shirt in her tiny little hand and held onto it with all of her might to settle herself. I pulled her in close and held her tight to me to let her know that I had her and that she'd be ok. That's when I realised that as she gets older she will continue to have outbursts at me. She will have emotions that she doesn't understand especially as a pre-teen and teen. She will know that she is safe with me and that's why she'll let her frustrations and feelings vent on me, like all girls do. I'm not saying I'm going to allow her to get away with this kind of behavior but I know it's coming. Then in the next moment she'll turn on a dime and reach out to me for comfort and every time I'll be there to hold her close and let her feel safe in my arms. Cause she is safe with me, and I'll be here for her whenever she needs me.
Sheryl Bane
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