21 Day Challenge- Day 2
"Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips" Psalm 141:3
"What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God" James 4:1,2
One of the most frequent times that I get angry when I am at home is when I am trying to get something done. It seems like whenever I have something to do like, load the dishwasher, cook dinner, fold laundry, clean a bathroom, pay some bills, etc. I suddenly have 3 little boys (especially Ethan) at my feet. They want to see what I'm doing, they are very often interrupting my train of thought, they HAVE to get all up in whatever I am doing. I get very frustrated by this. I try to be patient and then when it continues, I get angry. I think to myself, (and sometimes yell) "can't I just get this done?!?!"
Yesterday I visited my friend Debbie's New Blog, Good Master, Good Dog. She breeds & shows dogs. I don't have dogs and don't even like them. But I like Debbie so I thought I'd check out her site. I read her post about how her dogs must be by her all the time. She refers to them as her shadow. I instantly could relate. Then she wrote about how they feel secure when they are near her. How they just need to be by her all the time. She wrote about how comforted one dog was as she was giving birth. Debbie was beside her the whole time. Those dogs know that she takes care of them, she loves them, and they want to be by her every move she makes.
After reading this, my eyes were opened. Duh! That's what my boys are doing. I'm their mommy. I'm the one that teaches them things, listens to their stories, their problems. I make their ouchies go away. I encourage them in believing that they are the most wonderful boys in all creation. When I move to another room, they follow. They want that security to be near them 24/7. Suddenly I felt myself soften on the inside.
Then, as I read the next chapter in the book lat night, I read that verse in James (see top). It just drove the point home, to me. First, my eyes were opened to why THEY followed me around and had to be at my feet all the time. Then, my eyes were opened as to WHY I get so angry about it. I am just persuing my own wants and completely ignoring their needs. I have desires within me. They were good desires, desires to get my house clean, to feed them, but I was seeking only to get my own things done. There was a battle going on inside of me because I was trying to get these things done and they were interrupting me. So I got angry.
Then I looked at the second verse. Ok, so I didn't kill anyone, or really fight with anyone. But then I remembered something. We all kind of laugh at something that my little Luke says. He'll come up to me and say, "mom don't say 'ugh' when I ask you this, can I have some popcorn?" Teasingly, I'll say "ugh" to him and then I will get it for him and tell him how much I love him. But this is very telling to me about my own behavior. I wasn't killing him physically, but when I say "ugh" or get frustrated or angry because they are just being the little boys that they are, who need their mommy, I am at least damaging, if not killing a little part of them deep inside. All because I "cannot have what I want" like finishing a thought or getting through a task. That hit me like a ton of bricks.
This doesn't mean that I'm going to let them go wild, constantly interrupting me so that I never get anything done. But I am going to have a MAJOR attitude check and react to them much differently. So I won't be able to multi task as much. I can't cook dinner AND figure out how I'm going to work our finances for the month, but I can cook dinner and listen to the great questions of life that my 5 year old has (and maybe even answer some).
Sheryl Bane
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Steph