By Force
So, lately, I've been having a parenting low. My oldest is giving me quite a challenge (he's a wonderful boy, just needs a bit of adjustment). So, this morning, I was praying about it and I just turned it all over to the Lord. "I can't do this, I'm not equipped, I need you Lord, I surrender Ben, myself, and this whole situation to you. I pray that you would give me the words to say, help me Jesus" I prayed.
Cut to, loading all my three little arrows (that's what I call them) into the car to go to the children's museum. We're all in the car, about to pull out of the driveway and he just won't stop whining, being really self centered and selfish about an issue. I whipped myself around and gave him quite the tongue lashing. When I was done, I turned around, took a deep breath, started the car and moved on with my day. On the inside I was so upset. As usual, I questioned every word I said, if I said it right, if I was too harsh on him. Then the Lord brought this verse to mind...
"...the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and the violent take it by force." (Disclaimer- I did not physically touch my son and I have never been physically violent toward him) Then the Lord showed me that the selfishness that he was expressing was more than what it looked like on the surface- a 4 year old being consumed with himself. I knew, then, that it was not something to be tolerated, or gently dealt with. I knew, that if I let this continue, it would develop into a bigger spiritual problem facing many people today- self satisfaction as the ultimate driving force. I got "violent" against this and let Ben know that it would not be tolerated. I had to take selfishness from him, by force.
With my children, I believe their spiritual life is as important as their physical life. If my child was running out into the middle of the street as a car was coming, I wouldn't politely ask him to come back to the yard. I would scream at him, run after him, grab him and carry him back to the yard at the risk of my own life. I wouldn't worry about hurting his feelings, offending his delicate sensibilities, I would do whatever I could/ had to do to save his life. The same goes for his spiritual life. I'm not his friend, or his therapist, I'm his mother.
"Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him (Prov.22:15)." I've heard some people use this verse as a pro-spanking verse, that is not my purpose today. I look at this verse and I see that I have a job to do. I don't want my son to grow up to be a fool or to have foolishness bound up in his heart. "Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth." (Psalm 127:4). I am the warrior, a warrior is not passive, a warrior does not negotiate. A warrior defeats, by force, his enemies. A warrior aims his arrows and hits the target he aims them at. If I want my arrows (children) to hit the targets I am aiming them for (to grow up to be godly, happy men)they cannot have foolishness bound up in their hearts. So, if I recognize foolishness, then I need drive it far from him. Sometimes that means "no messing around, I am serious, you will NOT do this again do I make myself clear?"
Don't get me wrong, I am not suggesting that you should scream at your children all the time, what I am saying is that as a mom, sometimes there has to be some (ahem) unpleasantness and you shouldn't feel bad about it. Mothering is my life and I take it seriously. Sometimes, I do overreact, sometimes I do have to apologize, but not today.
Here's the difference. When I overreact, when I flip out because I've been pushed past my limit, there are tears, there are hurt feelings. Not today. Today he looked at me, like he understood, he apologized, and there was a change. The next time he started doing it, he stopped, looked at me, and thought better of what he was doing.
Sheryl Bane
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Reader Comments (9)
Being a Mommy some days is truly tough because we put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect and expect ourselves to always know the answers. You are so very blessed to have the guidance of your faith, your husband and your amazing friends to fall back on in your moments of uncertainty to help pick you up again.
Your boys are going to be amazing gentleman.
This is a great post. You are very wise and I love the idea of being a warrior for our children's souls and salvation. God bless you and your precious family.
That really helped me :-)
On the flip side of things, since I quasi-parent my students in the mornings, I don't have as much trouble keeping order there. I run my classroom in a very strict ("booty" is NOT an accaptable word in my class) manner. I don't know why I always feel like I'm a better teacher to my 11 PreK students, than a parent to my 3 girls. That is the balance I am seeking from God...to show me how to do both...well!